


To Everyone I Loved Before...

by LoveofEscapism



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bitchine, But Not Really Because I Cant’t Stand It, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Modern AU, Rey Falls Hard, Reylo Are Going To Fall HARD, Romance, Slight Ben/Bazine, Slight Rey/Poe, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 23:15:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveofEscapism/pseuds/LoveofEscapism
Summary: Rey was into Poe, who was into Kaydel.Ben was into Bazine, who was into herself.Except...when Rey and Ben decide to fake date in a last ditch attempt to make their crushes jealous, it turns out the person they were looking for was right in front of them all along.





	To Everyone I Loved Before...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shuhannon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuhannon/gifts).

> This is based on the prompt From Shunannon, “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” which I hope you enjoy.
> 
> I have changed a few things, but hope that you still like it. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta. 
> 
> I am literally saying the least amount as possible so I don’t get caught lol.

**Chapter One**

Rey didn’t particularly want to be into Poe Dameron.  _ Really _ . 

It’s not that he wasn’t nice—he was, maybe even _ too _ nice sometimes. And kind, and handsome, and funny. He was perfect. The only problem was, he was also going out with her best friend, Kaydel. Which, of course, meant he was completely off limits. 

Poe and Rey were close, good friends with the same sense of humour. He liked the same things that she liked, and was interested when she talked and actually listened. It has been refreshing for Rey at the time, exciting. Especially because she had never had a proper boyfriend before, like ever. And she didn’t mean that in a romantic way, she meant as an actual friend. It felt like she was noticed and cared about, which was something that hadn’t happened to her all that much growing up.

It was a tough situation, made worse by the fact that Rey had been the one to introduce them in the first place. She’d never told Kaydel about her crush on Poe, and in doing so, she kind of lost them both. Rey remembered when she brought them both to the bar down the road from the college on that fateful night, they’d instantly clicked and Rey...well, she had been effectively friend zoned. 

It had been a year now. A year of longing, of wanting, of despair. Because when Rey Kenobi liked someone, she fell _ hard _ . It had always been that way and there was no changing it now. So instead, she kept her feelings to herself, except from her friend Finn, who was always there when she was close to the edge. 

It wasn’t easy watching them; the way they gazed into each other’s eyes, how they kissed and looked so fucking happy while doing it. At night, she dreamt of him, of a life where she had made a move first and was the one who got to be in his arms. 

Not that it mattered; he loved Kaydel. Which, was fine. She could get over him. She had no other choice. 

She sat on her single bed in her dorm room, the one she shared with Kaydel. Of course, she was staying again at Poe’s for the night—she was hardly ever here anymore. Rey picked up the shoebox, the one filled with letters she had written to every single person she had ever had feelings for. It was childish, she knew it was, but she had to find some way to get her feelings out, to purge. And writing had always been her safe haven. 

She scanned through the letters, laughing at the first one being written in crayon, featuring her first crush, Snap Wexley from pre-school. He’d held her hand for approximately ten seconds and she had decided she was in love. 

Then, there was Mitaka...the boy she met at summer camp and stayed up late with, telling horror stories. They had kissed- it had been her first and she could feel her lips tingle for days after.

And, of course, there was Ben Solo, albeit a much more complicated story. But one that involved another kiss, one that had been much longer and a thousand times more intense, one that had left more than her lips tingling. 

Her latest letter was to Poe, gushing about how much she longed to kiss him, to be with him. It was embarrassing really. But it helped, and was better than accidentally spitting out her thoughts while drunk on one too many beers at the bar. 

A knock on her door made her jump and she quickly hid the box under her bed, straightening out her outfit for the night as she walked over and opened the door. 

“Peanut, you look gorgeous,” Finn said, his smile wide as he looked her up and down. 

“Hmmm, presentable, yes. But gorgeous? No.”

He shook his head, disagreeing with her as he waltzed into the room. He practically lived here since Kaydel was always gone, and he plopped himself down on her bed, pulling out his phone to check the time. 

“You ready to go? I said to Poe that we would meet them there in ten.”

“Do we have to?”

“Rey. Yes, we do. You need to shake this off, find another man tonight to get you over him.”

He was right. Since her crush on Poe had developed, she hadn’t bothered with anyone else. She wasn’t that type of girl. When her heart belonged to one, it didn’t stray to another. 

“It’s not as easy as that and you know it,” she replied sulkily and started to pull on her boots for the night. 

“You’re gonna wear them?” Finn asked, his eyebrow arched. 

“Yeah, why? What’s wrong with them?”

She looked down at the army boots in question, black with a chunky heel and the laces loose. She loved them, though had never worn them until now. But with the tight, black dress she was wearing, she thought it was a good match. 

“Nothing, they’re just not your usual go to. I’m all for the change, actually. They’re hot,” he shrugged and stood up from the bed, motioning for her to hurry up. 

“Hot?”

“Don’t let it get to your head, Peanut. I’m still into men—men being Hux, you know, my red-headed boyfriend,” he laughed and tugged on her wrist lightly to pull her out into the hall. 

Yes, Hux, how could she forget? Everyone was happy except for her. All of her friends in a couple while she was the constantly awkward third wheel. At this rate, she was sure she was going to be single forever. Being twenty-one and never having had an actual boyfriend stung. She wasn’t sure if there was something wrong with her, or if she was just incredibly picky. Either way, she was alone. 

And being as into Poe Dameron as she was, it looked liked it was never going to change. 

* * *

****  
  


Maz’s bar was packed, which wasn’t a surprise. It was the bar nearest to Jakku College and on a Saturday night, everyone ended up there. Rey looked around at the usual faces, stopping herself from rolling her eyes at how boring the repetitive nature of her life had become. She wanted something more, something new and exciting. She had just started her final year and she needed change. 

She had never felt so alone.  _ Ever _ . And it was horrible. 

“What in the hell are those?”

Rey’s head turned, and unfortunately, she was met with the cruel gaze of Bazine Netal. She was in their friend group, but they weren’t friends. She just happened to be going out with hotshot Ben Solo, Poe’s roommate. Bazine had taken an instant disliking to Rey, ever since they played spin the bottle at one of her first college parties. That was when her five minutes in the closest with Ben Solo had happened—when he had kissed her so hard and passionately that she had floated back into the party. 

* * *

****  
  


_ “Can I?” he whispered, so softly as his breath hitched. _

_ Rey felt like she was floating, staring up at Ben Solo as he looked down at her with the sexiest goddamn look she had ever seen in her life. _

_ They were in a closet, a timer next to them, counting down the five minutes they were to spend alone in here. Normally, Rey would call this a childish game, something she had never really been part of during high school. But now at college, now she wanted to try new things and to be honest, it had been a wise decision. _

_ Rey had noticed Ben Solo about campus, because how could she not? She’d seen him staring at her a few times, though there had always been a scowl on his face, like he wasn’t quite sure what to make of her.  _

_ “What about Bazine?” she replied, because word on the street was that they were dating, not official or anything, but dating. And Bazine, she was not someone that you wanted to be on their bad side.  _

_ “What about her?” He had a lop-sided grin, his hand on her waist, squeezing it in a way that was making her dizzy. _

_ “Is she not your girlfriend?”  _

_ “No, we have been on a few dates, but no. Not official and you,” he swallowed, taking a deep breath before he continued, “you are unlike anyone I have ever met...I wanted this to happen.”  _

_ Rey didn’t know if he could see the blush spread across her cheeks, it was dark in the closet. She hoped he didn’t, that he didn’t see how much his words affected her. It was a like a different Ben Solo from the one she seen around campus. He was treated like royalty there, like a God, and Rey, well she was nothing...no one.  _

_ But he wasn’t looking at her like that, in fact, he looked at her like she was everything. _

_ “You want this?” _

_ “To kiss you, yes, please?” he asked again, his other hand coming up to cup her face and she was a goner, nodding softly. _

_ He didn’t need her to say anything else, his lips crushing against hers in what could only be described as the best moment of her life. And one she was never, ever forget.  _

* * *

****  
  
  


And she never did forget kissing that beautiful man and what it made her feel. She thought about him alot, about how handsome he was, with his thick, dark hair, almost shoulder length and perfect enough to be used for a shampoo ad. She thought about how tall, thick he was and the fact he was just sin itself. After their make out session, and a quick fondle here and there, he’d ended up being official with Bazine the following week, and the rest, as they say, is history. Rey had shut down any chance of being with him again. She had tried to bury the hurt, forget about the moment she thought they had made a real connection and move on.

“What?” Rey’s asked, shouting loudly so that she could be heard over the pounding of the music. 

“I’m talking about those things on your feet,” Bazine sneered and motioned down to the army boots Finn had called hot not fifteen minutes ago. 

“Baz, c’mon now.”

Rey’s head turned to the voice that came in cooly from the side; Ben Solo himself, standing there in a black shirt that most people would consider too tight as it strained against his large chest. 

She watched as he put his arm around the scowling woman next to him, clearly trying to placate her or stop her from being even ruder...as if that was possible. 

“Do I spy the green-eyed monster coming out to play, Bitchine? Don’t be mad that Rey has style and you have well, none,” Finn said strongly next to her, and Rey would kiss him if she could. 

“Whatever. You wouldn’t know style if it hit you in the face. Anyway, I’m going to go talk to anyone but you two.”

And she left. It occurred to Rey that she still wasn’t over her kiss with Ben—the one that happened when Bazine wasn’t even with him, the one that was part of a game. It screamed of insecurity and really, Rey couldn’t be bothered with her childish attitude. She honestly wondered what Ben even saw in her, apart from the fact that she was stunning, of course. 

“Um, don’t mind her, she’s just dealing with shit,” Ben offered, his large hand pushing through his luscious hair. 

“Like her awful personality?” Rey blurred out, then cringed when she realised just how harsh that sounded. 

Ben’s eye twitched, propelling her back to the dark closest that one night so long ago. It had twitched then too, when he had pulled back for a moment for a breath, looking at her like she was the only person in the world. 

He didn’t respond, instead his gaze fell to the boots, for longer than one would call appropriate, then they scanned up her bare legs, up her entire body, drinking it all in before landing on her face. He cleared his throat, nodding at god only knows what before disappearing into the crowd. 

“He really has that whole dark, mysterious thing going on, doesn’t he?” Finn remarked, taking a sip of his drink. “At least he liked the boots.”

Rey’s head whipped around to stare at her friend. “What? He didn’t say anything?”

“Oh honey, you really don’t know men, do you?” he laughed, ending the conversation by grabbing her hand and pulling her over to their friends. 

* * *

****  
  


“I’m taking a year out, traveling.”

The entire table stopped talking, drinking, laughing, and instead stared at Kaydel, her announcement coming out of the blue. Rey looked around everyone, confused, before her gaze landed on Poe, his mouth slack and his eyes wide. 

“W-w-what?” he stuttered, almost dropping his drink on the sticky table. 

“I need a break, from here...from all of it.”

Rey looked to Finn, panicked about what was going on right now. He was wide-eyed, watching Poe react to the news that his girlfriend was leaving for a year. 

“From me? And you didn’t think to ask me if I wanted to go?” 

“I just, I don’t know what I want anymore. I need freedom, I need something  _ more _ .”

Rey couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and looking around the table, it seemed that everyone else was in the same boat. Kaydel hadn't mentioned this, had mentioned nothing, actually. Though, that wasn’t particularly surprising—they hadn’t been as close lately. But to keep it from Poe, her boyfriend, the person she spent like eighty percent of her time with...it was weird. 

“More than me?” Poe spat angrily, his voice rising even further as people in the bar started to stare. 

Rey hated attention, even if it was on her— she still wished the ground would swallow her whole. She looked down, her finger swirling around the rim of her glass to take her attention away from what was happening a few feet in front of her. 

“I wanted to tell you sooner…”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I knew you would react like this.”

Rey was trying to zone it out, feeling that she was overhearing a private conversation—even though she wasn’t. She took a quick peek up to Poe, his face red and his eyes watery. Her heart broke for him, because she knew, knew what it was like to be into someone whodidn’t want you back. 

Which, was basically happening right in front of her eyes. Kaydel was giving him the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing. Which of course, he wasn’t buying, while the rest of them sat their awkwardly, motioning to each other to make a beeline for it. 

Rey wished she could console him, wished she could do something to help. But then again, this didn’t concern her. Even with the drama unfolding, Poe still wasn’t hers.

Instead, she stood up and walked over to the bar to order another drink. 

“The happy couple doesn't seem so, um, happy,” Ben Solo said next to her, making her jump. 

“Sorry—fuck—I didn’t see you there.”

He smiled, the way he always did, like he was privy to some secret that no one else was. It shouldn’t be so blindingly attractive, but it was. 

“Too interested in the drama unfolding?”

“Something like that.”

“She’s leaving,” Rey explained, taking out her purse to pay the barman before Ben stopped her and paid for it himself. 

“I know,” was all he replied. 

“You knew?”

“Bazine told me,” he shrugged, like it was nothing. 

Rey couldn’t believe that Kaydel had told someone else of her plans before Poe, that she had planned this all in advance without telling him. She felt sick, thinking about how he must be feeling right now—how betrayed he would be. 

“That was nice of her. Both of them.  _ Scheming. _ ”

Rey really didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but there was no helping it. For some reason, she was unable to hide her feelings in front of Ben Solo. A weird bond between them that never seemed to go away. 

“Women for you.”

Rey raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t tar us all with the same brush.”

“All women but you, Rey. I kinda don’t class you as the same species.”

She all but choked on her drink, making him laugh heartily next to her. He liked to make people laugh, even if asked he would say otherwise. 

“What species am I then?”

“Something different.” There was a twinkle in his eye, his lips upturned and for the first time in ages, her gaze fell to them again. The memory of them against hers floating back into her head. 

“Good or bad, different?”

“I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information. Anyway, I’d better be going. Bazine doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

And he left, for the second time that night. Leaving her just as confused as he had the first time. 

Rey shook her head and tried to regain focus, she looked back over at the table and Kaydel and Poe were gone—probably to finish the rest of their fight. 

It was safe. She could go back and drink with her friends and try all she can not to think about the fact that Poe would more than likely be single now...or the fact that Ben Solo’s lips looked as kissable as they did in that closest so long ago. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
